Trends can be so tempting. I recently read a couple blog postings that claimed the differences in gender communications no longer exist and don’t matter in the business world. They implied that the previous focus on differences was just a trend but the trend is over and no longer needed. YIKES! This is misleading and dangerous.

Yes, for younger workers in Generation Y, communication differences between men and women are not as blatant as they were, and still are, for the Baby Boomer generation and above. However they still exist and definitely impact teamwork, productivity and relationships every day for people of all ages - it’s just that the conflicts aren’t identified correctly as gender-based. Just look at all the hubbub around this year’s presidential election to consider if gender differences are still an issue! The fact is that as greater numbers of women enter the workforce, gender differences need more attention and more effective management than ever before to get the best results.

The Danger of Ignoring Differences
Many women don’t want to admit (or are in denial) that they have different styles and needs than men for fear of not being hired, promoted, taken seriously or treated equally by superiors or male co-workers. I understand this concern and actually lived it during my years as a corporate employee. The problem is that ignoring these differences, or sweeping them under the rug and hoping they don’t matter, will not make them go away and will not eliminate resulting workplace conflicts. Instead, as the conflicts continue to inflate, we will trip over them and fall flat on our faces.

Benefits of Addressing Differences
It’s okay that we are different - actually preferable if you compare it to the alternative of all being the same like robots or androids. YUK! The key is to become aware of our differences and learn how to work with them more effectively. Everyone benefits from this approach. Selection and recruiting efforts achieve greater success as more women are hired. Relationships improve, leading to more productive teamwork, higher retention, and an improved bottom line. Women stay and advance in the organization, bringing their creativity and inclusive management styles with them. Customers receive better service, again positively impacting financial results.

Just recently two high-level women told me that they received promotions as a direct result of the behavioral changes they made after attending a GenderSmart program. One woman was being held back due to her ineffective interpersonal relationships, although she didn’t really understand the problem. Through GenderSmart content she learned about masculine styles and how they come across when expressed by women. She adjusted her style and voila! Her long-awaited promotion came through. The other was misperceiving her boss’ intentions regarding the detail of her work, and once she realized he had a feminine style in this situation, her approach changed and their relationship improved dramatically.

Differences Are Here To Stay
I speak on gender communications frequently, to audiences of all ages over eighteen. Every once in a while, meaning once every couple of years, a participant will disagree with one specific difference or another. But no one of any age has ever said they can’t relate to the topic or that they disagree with the existence of differences and their impact on communication and relationships. On the contrary, their eyebrows rise in surprise acknowledgement as they become aware of misperceptions they have been unknowingly taking part in, either as misperceptOR or misperceptEE. And, it is often the younger participants who most freely admit their struggle with these differences.

So many teamwork and professional relationship problems are rooted in gender style differences, but are not recognized as such. They are dismissed as personality differences - he is a jerk, she is a b–ch; he is insensitive, she is indecisive. That may be the case, but more than likely, it’s a gender-based communication style difference that is being misperceived and misjudged, and causing the conflict. I am not saying all women have one style, and all men have another - we are all a blend of both. However the generalities can’t be ignored and help us understand each other if acknowledged and learned.

The Solution
Don’t be seduced by those hoping to eliminate stereotypes and problems by ignoring them. If it were only that easy! The best results come from honoring and celebrating our differences, while learning how to deal with them. The solution is to educate, coach and train both men and women about gender style differences - to increase their awareness of these variations, and teach them how to work with and manage these styles more effectively.

Get GenderSmart®! – Successfully Managing The Double-Edged Sword

Yes, things in the corporate world are getting better for women. And yes, we still have a ways to go. Women in leadership and executive positions stare down a double-edged sword daily. If their style is primarily assertive, decisive, task vs. relationship oriented, etc., they are labeled as too tough and masculine. So that means don’t act like a man. If a woman’s style is predominantly collaborative, supportive, and friendly, she is perceived as nice but incompetent. So that means don’t act like a woman if she wants to advance. Now what?

Eliminating gender stereotypes is a valid but lofty and, for the foreseeable future, completely unattainable goal. Studies have shown that regardless of the country or culture, when people see someone walking toward them, the first thing they try to determine is gender. It’s an instinctive natural reaction. Male or female? Not race, culture, religion.

So instead of focusing on eliminating stereotyping, the world would be better served becoming aware of gender styles, accepting them merely as differences rather than right or wrong behaviors, and learning how to work with them more effectively. This actually is a form of eliminating stereotyping anyway.

The fact is that the best leaders employ a balance of masculine and feminine styles. In the context of my work, masculine does not mean macho and feminine does not mean girlie. The best companies recognize, encourage, and reward collaborative leaders who nurture and develop their employees while making the tough decisions and getting the job done.

Getting back to the double-edged sword, women must walk a fine line in the corporate world, especially in longer-established industries such as financial services, insurance, automotive, and manufacturing. They will get the best results by recognizing that they are being watched more closely, and by interacting and working with a balance of masculine and feminine styles. Using solely one style or the other will backfire, much more so than it would backfire for a man because this inflexible behavior will illicit stereotyping and misperceptions of competence and personality. Such behavior by men would cause judgment too, but less often and less severe, with milder consequences.

Alternatively, interacting with a conscious balance of both masculine and feminine styles is much more beneficial to all involved. This balance looks like a blend of collaboration, decisiveness, risk-taking, nurturing, acknowledging good work, delegation, open communication, and planning – and helps avoid labels and perceptions.

Of course both men and women would achieve better results with teamwork, management, and leadership if they consciously used a balance of masculine and feminine styles. They don’t need to change who they are naturally, as all people are already a blend of both styles (although many people, especially in business, get off track from their authentic blend). By balance I don’t mean equal amounts – I mean a flexible blend that uses each style at the appropriate time. But that takes me to another article…

Bottom line:
Women (and men) – Use a blend of masculine and feminine styles…be trustworthy, honest, approachable, open, collaborative and supportive; while also taking risks, being assertive when necessary while also being courteous, delegate, make the tough decisions, and promote yourself appropriately.

Men (and women) – Be aware of how you may be judging women more harshly and holding them to different standards. They may be more friendly or have an otherwise “softer” style, but look at their performance, the results of their work, and the effectiveness of their employees. Likewise, be careful not to assume that women with a more masculine style shouldn’t be promoted. Don’t many successful men you know have the same style?

Recently I attended a luncheon for women entrepreneurs. The luncheon was sponsored by several corporations, including Chevron and Disney. I was one of the last to arrive and took one of few available seats. As I introduced myself to my table-mates, the woman on my right, a manager at Disney, exclaimed, “I know you! I heard you speak last year in Las Vegas. You changed my career!”

She was so happy and excited! I verbalized my joy in being able to help her and asked for details. She explained, “I was ready to quit, my boss drove me so crazy. We just didn’t get along. Then I heard your presentation on gender communication style differences in the workplace, and realized that maybe our conflict centered around communication styles. I wondered if it could really be that simple. He was always asking for more details, making me explain what I was doing and why. I had always interpreted that he didn’t trust me or think I was competent. After hearing you, I thought maybe he just had the feminine style of wanting more details and enjoying discussing the projects with me. When I approached our interactions with that in mind, everything changed! We started getting along much better and I got promoted a few months later! And that’s not all! My new boss had a reputation with his female managers of being hard to get along with. So I used your information with him too and now we all love working with him. Thank you so much!”

I was thrilled to hear my expertise helped her. My point in posting this is - many workplace teamwork and personality conflicts stem from gender communication style differences. People tend to underestimate the impact of these differences, when in fact awareness and understanding of the differences, along with skill development on how to deal with them, can yield enormous positive results. And this is merely one little example!

Here we go again! Ok, it’s nice that a study was done to compare the number of words spoken over the same period of time by both men and women. It’s nice that the number of words were relatively equal. What isn’t nice is that the results from this study, conducted only with college students in one geographic location, are being used as the standard for all men and women.

As a gender issues and communications expert for over 14 years, here’s my reaction: Women do, GENERALLY, talk more than men. There is nothing wrong with this. It is merely a style difference, stemming from physiological and social differences, wiring if you will. I suppose I should take the time to explain all these wiring differences here, but not today. The point is that differences are just that - differences. Not right or wrong, good or bad. Women feel pressure to deny these differences because men judge them harshly. Many women do talk more than many men. It doesn’t mean they talk TOO much. See the judgment in the word too?

Sweeping our differences under the rug is not the way to reach and retain equality. The best way takes longer, no doubt, but if we keep sweeping them under the rug we will trip over them and fall flat on our faces. What we need to do is learn about the differences, why they exist, and how to work with them more effectively. Yes, we need to change perspectives and judgments.

So what if women talk more than men? Maybe if more men did more talking we would have less war on the planet. Extreme example, I admit, but is it really that far-fetched?

On Thursday April 12 I will be a keynote speaker at the DiversityBusiness.com Annual Conference. I spoke at the conference last year, to very high reviews and several new clients, about gender communication. This year I will be speaking on “Get GenderSmart! Plug The Brain Drain - How To Retain Women.”

The foundation of this work comes from my 14 years of experience as an expert in gender issues and communication, my GenderSmart® book (see link at right), over 80 in-depth interviews with managers, recruiters, and female employees from all levels and several industries, and extensive secondary research on recruiting and retention issues.

My brief presentation will focus on three key areas, listed below.

1. What women want from their career
2. Key behavorial and communication differences between men and women and how to work with them more effectively while recruiting and managing
3. Specific ideas, initiatives, activities to help recruit and retain women.

Plus, I will be facilitating a small-group activity with the audience of about 600 to brainstorm ideas and activities they have used successfully at their companies, then share many of these ideas with the entire group.

Retention of women is a huge corporate issue - their exodus is a very expensive problem. Most companies are by now aware that aside from the critical diversity issues involved, hiring and retining women is clearly a business issue and a highly financial one, for several reasons:
- Research indicates that companies with the highest number of women executives financially outperforms companies with fewest women.
- Turnover costs, both quantitative and qualitative, are astronomical and rising
- The need for talent will become even more critical as baby boomers retire
- Companies need to mirror the markets they target, so to acquire the growing women’s market, companies need women
- Many studies confirm that both men and women prefer a participative management style. This is also called a feminine style, and more women use it than men. This is part of the reason why the first reason above exists…women (or people with a feminine style) are generally better at managing people.

I am honored to be a part of this esteemed conference again! Participants are supplier diversity, human resources, and other managers and executives from a broad range of excellent companies, several of them already my clients. I’ll report back afterwards with some of the ideas generated.

Till my next post, happy retaining!

http://www.engadget.com,%20www.engadget.com/2006/07/26/intelligent-carpet-can-autodiscriminate/

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=pacnews/archive/2006/07/22/girlnerds22.DTL

An interesting article, altho tedious in the middle. Skim through all the statistics to get to the indications toward the end.

Click Here to Read the Full Article

The statistics are shocking, as you will see in this article.

http://www.thestar.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?
pagename=thestar/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=
1153173011264&call_pageid=968256290204&col=968350116795

Gender gap in average wages is $17,600 (from the Sarasota FL Herald-Tribune), but at Wimbledon, it’s $70,000!!! it’s inconceivable to me that Wimbledon decided, consciously, just recently to maintain a winner’s pay disparity between men and women champions. I wonder what message England is trying to send with that announcement…

Today is Equal Pay Day. To match men’s earnings for 2005, women would have had to work from January 2005 to April 2006, an extra four months. Equal Pay Day takes place each year on a Tuesday in April, symbolizing the point to which a woman must work to achieve pay equity. Her male counterpart must work five days a week for 12 months, whereas she will work seven days a week for 16 months to earn equivalent wages.

While educational gains for women are often credited with helping to shrink the gender gap in earnings, research conducted by the American Association of University Women’s Educational Foundation reveals that women with four-year degrees typically earn 71.5 cents for every $1 that their male counterparts earn, or $44,200 compared with $61,800 for men — a gap of $17,600 a year!

We need to urge the members of our state’s congressional delegation to close the gender wage gap by supporting legislation such as the Paycheck Fairness Act (S.B. 74/H.R. 2397) and the Fair Pay Act (S.B. 841/ H.R. 1697).

Vicki Waters

Beverly Zimmer

Waters is Manatee County branch president of the American Association of University Women and resides in Bradenton. Zimmer is Sarasota County AAUW branch president and resides in Sarasota.