A large study of over 11,000 women indicates they help maintain the glass ceiling that restricts their own advancement. The Women’s Dish blog briefly discusses this. My expertise confirms these findings. As I wrote in their comments section, “Training can help…assertiveness, gender communication (to learn how to communicate more effectively with men and high-level women with a masculine style), and self-promotion. Mentoring can make a positive impact as well. Generally speaking, men use the 80/20 rule - 80% of their time at work is spent working, and 20% is used to self-promote. Women, we can DO this!”

Blog posting

Patti Wood, a body language expert, discusses in her blog the differences in eye contact between men and women during communication. There are gender differences indeed!

Patti writes

A Northwestern team has found that boys and girls (ages 9 to 15) have different communication patterns and styles. They respond to language tasks differently. Whereas girls abstract language information in a similar fashion whether they listen or read words, the accuracy of boys’ responses depended more on the patterns of activation of their auditory (listening to words) or visual (reading words) cortices.

Click here for full article

New book out “Leadership and the Sexes” by Michael Gurian compares men and women and discusses how gender differences benefit business. The Daily Star recounts an article from Forbes.com…

Full article

Interesting discussion about gender differences posted on the blog for First Community Church of Columbus Ohio. Here’s an excerpt:

“We found that we couldn’t go very far with generalizations about gender without running into two other factors - individual differences and family of origin. Using the apt analogy of a three-legged stool contributed by a participant, we ended up feeling that the formation of each person stands on those three legs; gender, individual personality traits, and the family in which you grow up.”

Click here for full discussion

Linda Sherman of the blog It’s Different for Girls reports on differences in how men and women use and express humor. I found it interesting and entertaining and thought I’d pass it along:

“Men taunt other men with clever nicknames and insults. That isn’t something that women do. They don’t tend to play practical jokes, or engage in humor that humiliates or puts somebody down.” (John Morreal, a professor of religion at William and Mary College in Williamsburg, Virginia, who has studied humor for 25 years.)*

“For women the primary goal of conversation is intimacy and, for men, the goal is positive self-presentation. Women’s humor supports a goal of greater intimacy by being supportive and healing, while men’s humor reinforces performance goals of competition, the establishment of hierarchical relationships and self-aggrandizement.” (from Mary Crawford’s book, Talking Difference on Gender and Language).

Click here for full article

Medical evidence shows that the female brain has four times as many connections between hemispheres of the brain as that of a male. A woman not only processes information four times as fast, she also utilizes both sides of the brain, tapping deeply into the right brain of emotion, experience, and reward behavior.

Does this mean women are more intelligent than men? Absolutely not, just that women process information and make decisions differently.

For the whole blog posting see http://michelemiller.blogs.com

Trends can be so tempting. I recently read a couple blog postings that claimed the differences in gender communications no longer exist and don’t matter in the business world. They implied that the previous focus on differences was just a trend but the trend is over and no longer needed. YIKES! This is misleading and dangerous.

Yes, for younger workers in Generation Y, communication differences between men and women are not as blatant as they were, and still are, for the Baby Boomer generation and above. However they still exist and definitely impact teamwork, productivity and relationships every day for people of all ages - it’s just that the conflicts aren’t identified correctly as gender-based. Just look at all the hubbub around this year’s presidential election to consider if gender differences are still an issue! The fact is that as greater numbers of women enter the workforce, gender differences need more attention and more effective management than ever before to get the best results.

The Danger of Ignoring Differences
Many women don’t want to admit (or are in denial) that they have different styles and needs than men for fear of not being hired, promoted, taken seriously or treated equally by superiors or male co-workers. I understand this concern and actually lived it during my years as a corporate employee. The problem is that ignoring these differences, or sweeping them under the rug and hoping they don’t matter, will not make them go away and will not eliminate resulting workplace conflicts. Instead, as the conflicts continue to inflate, we will trip over them and fall flat on our faces.

Benefits of Addressing Differences
It’s okay that we are different - actually preferable if you compare it to the alternative of all being the same like robots or androids. YUK! The key is to become aware of our differences and learn how to work with them more effectively. Everyone benefits from this approach. Selection and recruiting efforts achieve greater success as more women are hired. Relationships improve, leading to more productive teamwork, higher retention, and an improved bottom line. Women stay and advance in the organization, bringing their creativity and inclusive management styles with them. Customers receive better service, again positively impacting financial results.

Just recently two high-level women told me that they received promotions as a direct result of the behavioral changes they made after attending a GenderSmart program. One woman was being held back due to her ineffective interpersonal relationships, although she didn’t really understand the problem. Through GenderSmart content she learned about masculine styles and how they come across when expressed by women. She adjusted her style and voila! Her long-awaited promotion came through. The other was misperceiving her boss’ intentions regarding the detail of her work, and once she realized he had a feminine style in this situation, her approach changed and their relationship improved dramatically.

Differences Are Here To Stay
I speak on gender communications frequently, to audiences of all ages over eighteen. Every once in a while, meaning once every couple of years, a participant will disagree with one specific difference or another. But no one of any age has ever said they can’t relate to the topic or that they disagree with the existence of differences and their impact on communication and relationships. On the contrary, their eyebrows rise in surprise acknowledgement as they become aware of misperceptions they have been unknowingly taking part in, either as misperceptOR or misperceptEE. And, it is often the younger participants who most freely admit their struggle with these differences.

So many teamwork and professional relationship problems are rooted in gender style differences, but are not recognized as such. They are dismissed as personality differences - he is a jerk, she is a b–ch; he is insensitive, she is indecisive. That may be the case, but more than likely, it’s a gender-based communication style difference that is being misperceived and misjudged, and causing the conflict. I am not saying all women have one style, and all men have another - we are all a blend of both. However the generalities can’t be ignored and help us understand each other if acknowledged and learned.

The Solution
Don’t be seduced by those hoping to eliminate stereotypes and problems by ignoring them. If it were only that easy! The best results come from honoring and celebrating our differences, while learning how to deal with them. The solution is to educate, coach and train both men and women about gender style differences - to increase their awareness of these variations, and teach them how to work with and manage these styles more effectively.

Get GenderSmart®! – Successfully Managing The Double-Edged Sword

Yes, things in the corporate world are getting better for women. And yes, we still have a ways to go. Women in leadership and executive positions stare down a double-edged sword daily. If their style is primarily assertive, decisive, task vs. relationship oriented, etc., they are labeled as too tough and masculine. So that means don’t act like a man. If a woman’s style is predominantly collaborative, supportive, and friendly, she is perceived as nice but incompetent. So that means don’t act like a woman if she wants to advance. Now what?

Eliminating gender stereotypes is a valid but lofty and, for the foreseeable future, completely unattainable goal. Studies have shown that regardless of the country or culture, when people see someone walking toward them, the first thing they try to determine is gender. It’s an instinctive natural reaction. Male or female? Not race, culture, religion.

So instead of focusing on eliminating stereotyping, the world would be better served becoming aware of gender styles, accepting them merely as differences rather than right or wrong behaviors, and learning how to work with them more effectively. This actually is a form of eliminating stereotyping anyway.

The fact is that the best leaders employ a balance of masculine and feminine styles. In the context of my work, masculine does not mean macho and feminine does not mean girlie. The best companies recognize, encourage, and reward collaborative leaders who nurture and develop their employees while making the tough decisions and getting the job done.

Getting back to the double-edged sword, women must walk a fine line in the corporate world, especially in longer-established industries such as financial services, insurance, automotive, and manufacturing. They will get the best results by recognizing that they are being watched more closely, and by interacting and working with a balance of masculine and feminine styles. Using solely one style or the other will backfire, much more so than it would backfire for a man because this inflexible behavior will illicit stereotyping and misperceptions of competence and personality. Such behavior by men would cause judgment too, but less often and less severe, with milder consequences.

Alternatively, interacting with a conscious balance of both masculine and feminine styles is much more beneficial to all involved. This balance looks like a blend of collaboration, decisiveness, risk-taking, nurturing, acknowledging good work, delegation, open communication, and planning – and helps avoid labels and perceptions.

Of course both men and women would achieve better results with teamwork, management, and leadership if they consciously used a balance of masculine and feminine styles. They don’t need to change who they are naturally, as all people are already a blend of both styles (although many people, especially in business, get off track from their authentic blend). By balance I don’t mean equal amounts – I mean a flexible blend that uses each style at the appropriate time. But that takes me to another article…

Bottom line:
Women (and men) – Use a blend of masculine and feminine styles…be trustworthy, honest, approachable, open, collaborative and supportive; while also taking risks, being assertive when necessary while also being courteous, delegate, make the tough decisions, and promote yourself appropriately.

Men (and women) – Be aware of how you may be judging women more harshly and holding them to different standards. They may be more friendly or have an otherwise “softer” style, but look at their performance, the results of their work, and the effectiveness of their employees. Likewise, be careful not to assume that women with a more masculine style shouldn’t be promoted. Don’t many successful men you know have the same style?

Here we go again! Ok, it’s nice that a study was done to compare the number of words spoken over the same period of time by both men and women. It’s nice that the number of words were relatively equal. What isn’t nice is that the results from this study, conducted only with college students in one geographic location, are being used as the standard for all men and women.

As a gender issues and communications expert for over 14 years, here’s my reaction: Women do, GENERALLY, talk more than men. There is nothing wrong with this. It is merely a style difference, stemming from physiological and social differences, wiring if you will. I suppose I should take the time to explain all these wiring differences here, but not today. The point is that differences are just that - differences. Not right or wrong, good or bad. Women feel pressure to deny these differences because men judge them harshly. Many women do talk more than many men. It doesn’t mean they talk TOO much. See the judgment in the word too?

Sweeping our differences under the rug is not the way to reach and retain equality. The best way takes longer, no doubt, but if we keep sweeping them under the rug we will trip over them and fall flat on our faces. What we need to do is learn about the differences, why they exist, and how to work with them more effectively. Yes, we need to change perspectives and judgments.

So what if women talk more than men? Maybe if more men did more talking we would have less war on the planet. Extreme example, I admit, but is it really that far-fetched?