Trends can be so tempting. I recently read a couple blog postings that claimed the differences in gender communications no longer exist and don’t matter in the business world. They implied that the previous focus on differences was just a trend but the trend is over and no longer needed. YIKES! This is misleading and dangerous.
Yes, for younger workers in Generation Y, communication differences between men and women are not as blatant as they were, and still are, for the Baby Boomer generation and above. However they still exist and definitely impact teamwork, productivity and relationships every day for people of all ages – it’s just that the conflicts aren’t identified correctly as gender-based. Just look at all the hubbub around this year’s presidential election to consider if gender differences are still an issue! The fact is that as greater numbers of women enter the workforce, gender differences need more attention and more effective management than ever before to get the best results.
The Danger of Ignoring Differences
Many women don’t want to admit (or are in denial) that they have different styles and needs than men for fear of not being hired, promoted, taken seriously or treated equally by superiors or male co-workers. I understand this concern and actually lived it during my years as a corporate employee. The problem is that ignoring these differences, or sweeping them under the rug and hoping they don’t matter, will not make them go away and will not eliminate resulting workplace conflicts. Instead, as the conflicts continue to inflate, we will trip over them and fall flat on our faces.
Benefits of Addressing Differences
It’s okay that we are different – actually preferable if you compare it to the alternative of all being the same like robots or androids. YUK! The key is to become aware of our differences and learn how to work with them more effectively. Everyone benefits from this approach. Selection and recruiting efforts achieve greater success as more women are hired. Relationships improve, leading to more productive teamwork, higher retention, and an improved bottom line. Women stay and advance in the organization, bringing their creativity and inclusive management styles with them. Customers receive better service, again positively impacting financial results.
Just recently two high-level women told me that they received promotions as a direct result of the behavioral changes they made after attending a GenderSmart program. One woman was being held back due to her ineffective interpersonal relationships, although she didn’t really understand the problem. Through GenderSmart content she learned about masculine styles and how they come across when expressed by women. She adjusted her style and voila! Her long-awaited promotion came through. The other was misperceiving her boss’ intentions regarding the detail of her work, and once she realized he had a feminine style in this situation, her approach changed and their relationship improved dramatically.
Differences Are Here To Stay
I speak on gender communications frequently, to audiences of all ages over eighteen. Every once in a while, meaning once every couple of years, a participant will disagree with one specific difference or another. But no one of any age has ever said they can’t relate to the topic or that they disagree with the existence of differences and their impact on communication and relationships. On the contrary, their eyebrows rise in surprise acknowledgement as they become aware of misperceptions they have been unknowingly taking part in, either as misperceptOR or misperceptEE. And, it is often the younger participants who most freely admit their struggle with these differences.
So many teamwork and professional relationship problems are rooted in gender style differences, but are not recognized as such. They are dismissed as personality differences – he is a jerk, she is a b–ch; he is insensitive, she is indecisive. That may be the case, but more than likely, it’s a gender-based communication style difference that is being misperceived and misjudged, and causing the conflict. I am not saying all women have one style, and all men have another – we are all a blend of both. However the generalities can’t be ignored and help us understand each other if acknowledged and learned.
The Solution
Don’t be seduced by those hoping to eliminate stereotypes and problems by ignoring them. If it were only that easy! The best results come from honoring and celebrating our differences, while learning how to deal with them. The solution is to educate, coach and train both men and women about gender style differences – to increase their awareness of these variations, and teach them how to work with and manage these styles more effectively.
